Brand new sky…

So lately I’ve got to thinking about how so many of us want to be someone else. Myself definitely included. This last year in particular, I wanted to be someone pretty, popular, accepted and seen as ‘normal’. But these last few days I’ve been reflecting on this and I realised that the image I was striving for is all bullshit, really. Nobody is normal because we’re all unique, and everything that makes me ‘weird’ is everything that makes me special. Everything I need is already contained inside me so why would I be looking outside of myself for fulfilment and acceptance when it all should come from within? I might not be everyone’s version of pretty, but I have a man who thinks I am beautiful and frequently tells me so. And my lack of musical ability – well, I might not be able to make it so well, but I’m a damn good listener where music is considered. And every song needs a listener. 🙂

Of course there are negative sides to my personality, but even those have some kind of benevolent reason (mostly). I worry a lot, but that’s because I care so fiercely about those I love. In the past I haven’t looked after myself so well, because deep down I never thought I was worthy of it. All that is in the process of changing. I’m learning to listen to the music I love without worrying if others will judge me; to state my opinions without caring if others agree. To express my spirituality in a way that feels natural to me, despite the ideologies of others. To sing without caring if anyone hears.

People say that life is for living – and then talk about getting the highest-paid job, becoming a member of a certain social group, going to particular places because everyone else does. That’s not living, that’s conforming. To me, true living is the spontaneous moments when you are, for that moment, the pure light of your essence. Take a drive in the pouring rain with the window down. Throw yourself in the snow and get soaked and cold, but laugh the whole time. Be a child again. That’s living. Life shouldn’t be a routine – life should be the moments outside the routine.

I’m fastening my necklace firmly back around my neck and stepping out with a smile on my face and a clear knowledge of who I am. At last.

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