I came out of the broom closet years ago, but a few days ago I made a bigger step. I got my first tattoo of a triple moon with a triquetra. It took ten years, but it felt right.
I wear it proudly on my right wrist, extending down onto my forearm. I feel as though I have been marked with the symbol of the Goddess, and now I am officially a priestess in her devotion.
The tattoo process was painful. Very painful. But as it went on, I knew that I had to stick it out as the symbol and process meant so much to me. It’s true what they say – getting inked is a rite of passage. I feel different somehow.
I’m in Cornwall as I type this, enjoying the sunshine and the proximity to the ocean. I love being here. I come here yearly and find it a real wrench to leave. I feel that the place finds it equally hard to let me go.
Still we have two more days here, so I won’t focus on the leaving just yet. For today we are visiting one of our favourite harbours. I also get to visit one of my favourite metaphysical shops so it should be a good day.
I’ve been feeling very connected to everything today. I’ve noticed that even in work today ideas, wisdom and clarity have been flowing almost effortlessly. I’ve not been stressed even though I’ve been very busy, and even as I type this I’m sitting on the train home, travelling through sunlit suburbs, and I feel as relaxed as if I were at home meditating. My mind is empty of all the thoughts that usually fill my evening commute, and I am basking in this feeling as I travel. Now that I am present in this feeling, I don’t want it to leave me.
May I carry this feeling around with me always. May I always be a walking and breathing representation of the Goddess and her divine power and presence. May my inner light radiant and touch all those whom I meet throughout my days.
Who do you want me to be?
Every weekday morning, I get up early and jump on a train to work. The journey takes about 57 minutes, and I spend that time doing several things – trying to stay awake, reading the news on my phone, or in the case of today – blogging.
There’s light snow falling outside, and as I write I look around at the familiar faces I see most mornings. I know faces, but no names – such is the anonymity of the morning commute.
I don’t generally blog at this hour, but I’m lying in bed just thinking. I know, that’s dangerous. But sometimes necessary and on rare occasions therapeutic.
I like the darkness. I have no other lights on, just the screen. It enables me to look up and bathe my eyes in darkness. I’ve never been afraid of the dark – on the contrary, a dark quiet bedroom makes me feel safe. I can’t sleep if there’s too much visible light. I also have real problems sleeping during the day.
I’ve been feeling lately that I don’t do enough study or magickal work. I feel like I’ve lost that aspect of the spiritual due to the stresses of the mundane. I need to rectify that.
While booting up the laptop to come on and write this post, I saw my reflection in the screen. I found myself wondering when the face reflected back at me became so different to my own idea of myself. It’s not just a visual thing either. Although the way I look in the mirror doesn’t correspond to what I see in my mind, that’s not even what I’m trying to put into words. I can’t even explain it sufficiently, I don’t think.
I’ve had a couple of days off this week, prebooked holiday from work which was nice. Sometimes it’s nice just to spend some time at home and relax a bit. I’ve mostly been playing on The Sims 3 University Life and spending time with my man.
We’re getting married next year, which I’m very excited about. I can’t wait to marry him. We’ve kind of been plunged into wedding planning chaos, but to be honest the wedding isn’t the focus – the marriage is. I want the marriage more than the wedding day. That’s always been what I wanted.
This blog entry started out in my mind as being clear, but as I’ve been typing the waters have muddied more and more. Oh well. It’s here and it’s documented. I don’t know what else I can say – the purpose of this blog was always to get my feelings and thoughts out in some kind of pattern on the page. In that sense, I’ve fulfilled that purpose.